When a loved pet dies, many people struggle with the question, “When is the right time to get a new one?” For everyone, the answer is different. Some feel they are betraying the deceased pet when they consider getting a new one. Others feel that they need to allow a certain amount of time to grieve before moving on. Many take time to heal, only to discover that they have more freedom without the responsibility of owning a pet. The most heartbreaking one is those who hurt so badly that they decide to never risk their hearts again. This one makes me sad because there are so many pets in shelters that need help.
We rescue senior dogs, so we don’t have them for very long. We have had four different dogs since 2017. This article is about our experience.
Tuffy was the first of four dogs we would adopt. We rescued Tuffy when he was about two years old from a man who left him tied up in the yard constantly. He was wild at first, but after a couple of months he became the ideal dog. Our first lesson was, “Be patient. They learn.”
Tuffy was with us through three houses and two states. We moved from the suburbs to the beach, and Tuffy became a “beach dog”. He spent his later years chasing his ball, sniffing driftwood and the occasional dead animal, and walking the trails of the nearby state parks. He watched the children grow up and move out and have children of their own. Shortly after we lost my son in a car accident, we lost Tuffy to a stroke. My son was 22 and Tuffy was 14 years old. 2017 was a really bad year for us. We just kept having one disaster after another.
We waited three months before getting another dog. When spring came along, I made the unilateral decision to adopt another. I was not going to leave a dog in the shelter while it could be enjoying the good weather. Brian was supportive, but non-committal. A visit to the shelter resulted in Ox, a senior of 10 years old and our very first pitbull. He was chosen because he had been there the longest, and it was his turn. Brian wasn’t sure about having a pitbull, but he let me have my way.
Ox won our hearts immediately. He was such a clown, and REALLY vocal. I’m convinced that he understood everything we said, and could even talk a little bit; maybe more than I understood. He had an opinion about everything! One day when Brian came home from work I told him, “Don’t give him any treats. He’s been eating all day!” Ox said, “RAWROO!” in my direction and left the room. I’m pretty sure he said “F-U!”. Considering his last owner, that kind of language was to be expected; Ox’s story was that he was abandoned in a trailer park by a guy escaping a meeting with the law.
I was delighted to find that pit bulls are not as energetic as labradors, and they are a lot easier to bathe. Ox made us laugh every day. It was late winter at the end of his third year with us when his kidneys started shutting down. We cuddled him in the back of my Mazda in the vet’s parking lot as he crossed the Rainbow Bridge.
Only a month had passed when we decided to adopt again. Because of our experience with Ox, we knew we wanted another pit bull. There was a shortage of dogs at the shelters due to COVID-19. Enter Lola, from the Clatsop County Animal Shelter in Astoria, Oregon.
Lola was four years old, and our first female. You wouldn’t know she was a girl by her behavior. She didn’t like other dogs and she marked her territory like a boy. The first thing she did upon coming home from the shelter was to pee in Ox’s spot in front of the fireplace. The joke was on her, because that was now HER spot now. Good thing I have a carpet cleaner on stand by. Despite dressing her all in pink, people still mistook her for a boy. I thought that was odd, as she was smaller and to my eye, more feminine-looking than Ox. She had the most beautiful eyes.
The only trait Lola shared with Ox was his hatred for raccoons. She was sweet, but I quickly learned that she needed to be muzzled when around other dogs her size. Small dogs she completely ignored. She wasn’t vocal, and I kind of missed that. It didn’t take long for us to love Lola for who she was. She was just as funny as Ox, and she was really pretty.
Brian was Lola’s chosen human. She loved to cuddle and play with him, and he was her main care-giver. She was a great hiking companion for me. I started a YouTube channel for her, but it was short-lived, as she was only with us for two years. She died from cancer of the spleen a couple of days after her surgery.
Brian took the loss really hard, and still misses her to this day. Lola passed at the end of January, just before Brian’s birthday. Brian was having such a hard time dealing with Lola’s death that we adopted Murphy a week later.
Murphy had no problem winning our hearts. At the time of this writing, Murphy is celebrating his one year anniversary with us. He is a pitbull/boxer mix, and is now five years old. He is a real sweetie. He’s really alert (almost to the point of neurotic), funny, and smart. He watches TV with us, and I think he thinks it’s a big window. None of the other dogs were TV watchers. He always reacts when there’s an animal. For this reason I don’t leave the TV on when he’s home alone; I don’t know what I will find when I get back. Last week I was watching a documentary about wolves in Yellowstone. That night he howled in his sleep.
Brian is Murphy’s human. Brian feeds and plays with him, and Murphy follows him from room to room. When Brian is not present, Murphy is content to be with me. I take him for nature walks when I have a day off from work and the weather isn’t nasty. Murphy has not replaced Lola. Just the opposite. The differences between them are a frequent topic of discussion. Lola will always be special in our hearts, and so will Murphy. And Ox. And Tuffy.
So is it better to wait, or get a new dog right away? I think it depends on the situation, and the family dynamic. Some family members may feel bad about “being disloyal” to their former pet, and reject the new pet.
We waited three months between Tuffy and Ox. Tuffy was a golden retriever mix and Ox was a pitbull mix. The differences in breeds left few expectations about how the dogs would compare. Ox was a completely different experience, and he grew on us immediately. We still love Tuffy for who he was, and he will always be missed. I would have a golden retriever all over again, but not without remembering all the shedding and hair.
There was about a month between Ox and Lola. Because they were the same breed of dogs, I had expectations. Those expectations were not met, but I kind of expected that; just not in the ways I had thought. Lola was her own person. She was just as loveable and funny as Ox was, but different. I can’t be sure if waiting longer would have made my expectations less. We didn’t allow much time to grieve Ox before adopting again, but Lola didn’t make us forget what a great dog he was. Again, we still talk about him. I took lots of photos and videos of him, and we re-visit them.
There was almost no time between Lola and Murphy, and Brian says he wasn’t ready. But that didn’t keep Brian and Murphy from bonding. It has been a year, and he just loves the stuffing out of that dog. I believe that Murphy helped ease the pain of losing Lola. We still love and miss her, but Murphy has gone a long way in comforting us and filling the void left by her. In all instances, one dog has never REPLACED another.
Things might be different if we had two dogs. The feelings of the other dog need to be taken into account, and every dog is different. One dog may welcome another dog, while another may feel that he just obtained his human’s full attention and has to share again. If the remaining pet is showing signs of depression that is not going away, perhaps getting another pet should be a consideration.
If you were to ask us, “Which one was your favorite?” We’d say, “All of them”. They were/are all amazing dogs, each one bringing a new dimension into our lives. Every dog was the best dog. We loved them all with everything we had.
If you asked us, “Was it better to wait, or get a new dog immediately?” When we got a new dog immediately, the only thing that hurt the experience was our expectations. When we expected the new dog to be like the last dog, there was some short-lived disappointment. But once we realized that the new dog was a new adventure, everything was great. The new dog wasn’t a “replacement” for the last dog, but it went a long way in comforting us when we were hurting. We just had to have open hearts.
When each pet left our lives, our home went out of balance. The routine of caring for them was disrupted, and the house was way too quiet. There was nobody happily welcoming us home after a hard day of work. While embracing and processing that change is important, there is something to be said for finding comfort with another pet in need. By getting a new dog, we didn’t feel like we were dishonoring the previous dogs. Rather, they ceded their space in front of the fireplace to allow a shelter dog a chance at a great life. And as long as we have a space in front of our fireplace, there will be a dog in it.
I’m Angela Pierce. I live on the southwest coast of Washington State. I am married to Brian Pierce and together we have a boxer mix named Murphy. I am also the mother of adult twins, one of who passed in 2017 at the age of 22.
We don’t get to enjoy our dogs’ puppy stages. We adopt senior dogs; therefore we don’t have them for long. But for the short time we have them, we love them as if they had been with us their whole lives. We try to help them make up for the times that they were let down by their people as much as we can. We hope to erase those memories of when they weren’t being loved.
We have had to navigate the grief of losing four dogs since 2018. Tuffy was 12, Ox was 12, and Lola was six. While we had Tuffy most of his life, we only had Ox and Lola for two years each. We adopted Murphy at four years old in February of 2024. We hope that he is with us for a bit longer than the last two. But as long as we have a home, so will a dog.
Spring is coming! It’s a great time to get a pet out of the shelter and into a home!
Good read, Angela.
Thank you, Sandra!
I love that I personally met each of the dogs you describe in your posting. I hadn’t heard the tragic detail of Tuffy’s previous treatment. He was so sweet and too pretty for a male, I thought.
My pit/lab mix, Jesse Max, was a great experience. I think of her often. She was part of my life longer than any of the other eight. She was my children’s night guard.
Pits and labs are both amazing dogs. Combine them and you get the best of both worlds. Tuffy was a golden retriever/aussie mix. He didn’t know whether he was fetching or herding.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with your pets. You have some wonderful insight and I think adopting senior dogs is such a great way to help them have a life in their final years. You are an inspiration ❤️
Thank you DeeDee, for both commenting, and for your compliment.
I stumbled onto this page through a FB group where you said you had a YouTube link public on your FB page, and then saw the link to this post. This is absolutely beautiful. We actually had multiple dogs when we lost our first. I had lost dogs as a child, but my husband had never had one before. She was our heart dog. As hard as losing dogs have been in my childhood her loss hit me so hard and for the first time I understood why some people just couldn’t get another dog after losing one. I thought I was prepared because of my experience, but it hit me in ways I never expected.
We did have the other dogs to help us through and one of them took it really badly so we had to concentrate on her as well. But every time the thought came that I understood why people didn’t get other dogs, it was replaced by the thought that we have to pay forward the love that we received from these dogs. They loved us so much, they were so devoted to us and we loved them so much to do anything but pay that love forward felt so wrong. I absolutely understand that everybody is different some time to adjust, some need to get a new dog right away because they have to have somewhere for that love to go, and some people really just cannot fathom the idea of having another dog and losing them – of going through that pain again.
Well done you for taking on some older dogs. The old dogs are so special, even more than puppies. There’s something about them, their eyes, their hearts. While having such a short time breaks our own hearts, time actually doesn’t matter. You can have them from puppy to 16 years old and it’s still never long enough.
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope it helps me understand, and I hope it helps you writing it out.
Thank you for commenting, Wendy! What beautiful words!
hope I didn’t post the wrong link.