It Was Just a Dog! Get Over It!
I think we’ve all been there. You lost the pet that was your life. You’re in a lot of pain. You may have been suffering for what seems like an eternity. You reach out for some comfort. Some reassuring words. You tell your partner or friend or co-worker how awful you’re feeling and they say “It was just a dog. Get over it!”
You didn’t think you could feel any worse, but now you do. They may as well have just spit in your face.
It doesn’t take a lot of effort to show some empathy, or even fake it. Even someone who can’t understand how you feel could TRY to say something constructive. A person who cares about your feelings can at least offer “I’m sorry for your loss. I can imagine the pain you’re feeling.” if nothing else. It’s not a big stretch to offer you a cup of tea and a listening ear while you talk. A good friend might help you go through photos or make a little memorial. Maybe even get you to go out as a distraction from your grief.
There may be a reason why a person would be quick to dismiss your feelings. It may be that they’re just plain empathy deficient and are uncomfortable talking about feelings. Or perhaps they don’t want to be reminded of their own feelings of loss. Perhaps they were jealous of the deceased pet and are glad it’s gone. If it’s a case of them having to deal with their own sadness, they should at least offer an, “I’m not ready to talk about this yet”. But whatever the reason, “Get over it!” is an unacceptable response. It’s not expecting too much to at least want a respectful response. These same people will want you to empathize with them in matters much more trivial, often something they inflicted upon themselves.
When a person just says, “Get over it” what they are saying is that your feelings are inconveniencing them. They don’t have time to be sympathetic, and you’re not worth the effort. Whether it be a romantic partner, a best friend, or a family member, this is a defining moment in any relationship. This reaction shapes how we feel about this person. FOREVER. We never forget that one moment we ask for so little, and get worse than nothing. “Get over it” is an expression of contempt.
In an online forum, a user posted: Has anyone felt that your boyfriend doesn’t understand the suffering of losing your pet or validate this suffering?
Many people responding could relate, and the general consensus was that she should exit the relationship. One commenter told her that her boyfriend’s reaction was “disgusting”. Another person commented, “Red flag!!!! Run girl!! If he belittles your grief. It won’t be long before he belittles other things.” I agree wholeheartedly.
I don’t know about you, but when someone offers me the contempt of dismissing me when I share my feelings I re-evaluate our relationship. They are automatically demoted to “acquaintance” status, or in Facebook friend status terms, “restricted”. I no longer give that person an opportunity to devalue my feelings again. They don’t get anything more than courtesy from then on. I don’t share specifics and they don’t get any personal details. It doesn’t matter if it’s a co-worker, friend, or family member. At one time it was a spouse who was empathy-challenged. His deficiency is what ultimately ended the relationship, and I haven’t missed that at all.
So what is a good response to someone who says, “Get over it”? I offer this: “To you, it might be ‘just a dog,’ but to me, they were family. If you can’t understand that, at least respect my feelings.” And then end the conversation.
If you need an outlet for your grief, may I suggest posting a tribute to your pet. While you may not feel ready to look at your pet’s photos and videos, this can actually be very healing. Looking at our pet’s best moments make us smile and re-live them, and pulls our minds just a little bit away from that moment when we lost them. If you have video clips, watching the pet in action can warm your heart. May I suggest making a free tribute here: MAKE A TRIBUTE You can post six photos, a story as long as you want to, and embed a YouTube clip, all for free.
If you have been suffering for an extended period, please visit your physician for help. Prolonged suffering can have negative effects on your overall health. You might also consider adopting again soon. The void in your life may need to be filled, and the responsibility for a living being can be a healing distraction. Here’s a link to my blog about knowing if the time to adopt is right for you. I hope for peace for your heart soon
About Me
I’m Angela Pierce. I live on the southwest coast of Washington State. I am married to Brian Pierce and together we have a boxer mix named Murphy. I am also the mother of adult twins, one of whom passed in 2017 at the age of 22.
We don’t get to enjoy our dogs’ puppy stages. We adopt senior dogs; therefore we don’t have them for long. But for the short time we have them, we love them as if they had been with us their whole lives. We try to help them make up for the times that they were let down by their people as much as we can. We hope to erase those memories of when they weren’t being loved.
We have had to navigate the grief of losing four dogs since 2018. Tuffy was 12, Ox was 12, and Lola was six. While we had Tuffy most of his life, we only had Ox and Lola for two years each. We adopted Murphy at four years old in February of 2024. We hope that he is with us for a bit longer than the last two. But as long as we have a home, so will a dog.
Many of the shelters are at capacity. Please adopt a pet today!